HEART STATION

Time. Life. Death. These are things I cannot understand at all. Religion doesn’t help, science is incomplete everything else is useless… I don’t have a philosophy of how death is, be it if we’re going to live in never-ending darkness, feel our decomposing bodies be eaten by vermin, go to heaven or re-incarnated, I don’t know, and it freaks me out, since I don’t know if I should live my life like I want to, or if I should worry about my sins, since I don’t want to go to the bad side of the other side (If there is one, of course).

It’s really odd how time can be so slow and yet so quick… I feel like it was yesterday that I was being dragged out of the 1st grade A class because I was actually from 1st grade B and my teacher seem like she was mad, and here I am today, moving on to high school. I miss the days that I so eagerly wanted to pass and the days that I wished that I’d graduate and just move on, out of school turned into days I wish I would never leave, since I don’t know what awaits me.

This summer vacation, I spent a lot of time in the past. I took out old video games and downloaded old television series from when I was younger and I’m having a blast watching playing the games that I loved so much through elementary. I’m watching Cardcaptor Sakura all over again in Portuguese to better captivate the essence of time (Since I used to watch it in Portuguese before), and I forgot how much I loved it! I had some of the manga, even though I never read it, and it’s so good to return to the time when I was in elementary through the series.

I also have a list of songs that marked a part of my life that whenever I listen to that song, I remember how sad or how happy I was at the moment. I wish this will never go away. Some of these songs are:

As Horas (Marjorie Estiano) : Happy times when my sister bought Marjorie’s album and we’d listen to this song in recommendation of the lady that worked at our house and we’d bring the radio to the kitchen to listen to the song with her and she’d talk about the soap opera that the song was from.

BLUE (Utada Hikaru) : Last summer vacation, When my family and I were returning to Miami, I was roaming through a few song of Hikki’s and getting to become more familiarized with her music, and I came across BLUE. The whole trip was by car, and I fell asleep listening to it. When we got to Miami, I woke up and loved the song. It became kind of an anthem of Miami for me!

RAINBOW (Ayumi Hamasaki) : I was sleeping in the car listening to this song when my neighbor came crying to my sister and I and she told us about our dead cat. This song still has the depressing essence of death to me.

Nichiyou No Asa (Utada Hikaru) : This song reminds me of the beginning of my friendship with Cary and Sofy together and I used to listen to this song all the time with Sofy while we shared my iPod’s earphone. It was during the beginning of 7th grade and I remember that time with so much joy!

These are only 4 of the infinite songs that I have in my head reminding of moments that I was so emotional about. I love it when this happens, for I can keep the memory alive whenever I listen to the songs. This may not always be so positive, but through a certain moments, I can remember more moments. That’s why time is so strange to me. I don’t understand it, and yet, sometimes I do.

I’d like to add a video to this post that reminds me of the beginning of this year, back in August, when I wasn’t expecting so many changes in only one year. I love the song, and I love the moments it reminds me of. The name of the song is Sangurasu and it’s by Utada Hikaru. Enjoy!

Now it’s 0:15 a.m. here in Brazil and I have just returned from my graduation celebration at school, followed by my own celebration (Dinner at “Outback,” even though I was completely unaware of dinner). The people in my class all were beautiful and everyone was radiant. My family and I were talking about how I was one of the only boys that actually looked as charming as the radiant girls in our class because I actually dressed up properly for the occasion. The girls in my class had fabulous gowns and dress on, there was not one single girl that looked less than perfect. It’s true that our class looked really beautiful as a whole, but the performance could’ve been considered funny!

Because my name is Alvaro, I was first in line in alphabetical order. I was the one that had to memorize everything without anyone showing it to me before, and that put a lot of pressure over me, but I managed, I planned on using my charisma to get out of awkward situations and that’s what I did a few times through the night. The strut to the stage was funny because while some people were radiant, others were hunchback and a girl even lost her shoe while she walked. But these were all cute mistakes. Some of us forgot words to the Brazilian national anthem and there was always a stanza that we never knew of, so the people would just mumble and I laughed at the lack of attention.

During the many speeches through the night, I felt really entertained by the thoughtfulness of parents, students and teachers. I then looked at the audience and found the cute little sister of one of my closest friends. She was being really cute and I looked at her for so long and smiling at her cuteness and mischief that I forgot the case of the diploma that I was holding and dropped it on the stage, it made a really loud noise and everyone looked at me, but I picked it up and smiled up to everyone, so it was wasn’t that bad!

At the end, I felt I was going to cry as I apologized to the teachers that I love so much. Tooms was being so sweet, she brought this bag full of little bookmarks all printed professionally and laminated with a cute little message by her for us. She was freezing cold and shaking so very much, but she kept on with her plan and looked for every single student and handed out their little gift! It was really thoughtful and sweet of her! Baby C showed herself to be really excited for us and in the middle of the principal’s speech, he talked about how the teachers seated at the back were really proud of us, and we all look up, naturally, to find a cute little Baby C hand waving at us all glowing with happiness. Everyone giggled and laughed. When I gave them that last little goodbye hug, I felt like the world was going to break apart and I thought about how many lasts that hug represented. While Baby C gave us each an idividual hug, Tooms ended the night with a group hug!

To complete the mood of heartbreak, I was saying goodbye to Sofy because she’s leaving our school and moving to a Brazilian one. She began crying and told me “I’m going to get your suit wet.” I felt really bad, since we’ll never have any group projects together anymore and nothing else of that genre. I’m going to miss Boby a lot for this year that we’ll be apart, and every second in class will mean a second imagining if she was there with us. The most special people are leaving this year and I’m going to miss everyone so much! I just hope that our relationship remains the same and that we see each other frequently!

The rest of the night was a pleasant dinner at “Outback” with my brother, my two sisters, my father and my mother. We had a great time together and it was a fun graduation day filled with great moments!

Yesterday Carol invited some friends over to her house to have some fun together, as in a birthday party, except that nobody was having a birthday, and as of today, hers is exactly one month behind. She planned this get-together a long time ago because her birth date was in vacation, so we just went to the mall together that day, but she had planned on making this party later, after everything had settled after vacation.

I had so much fun! It was so awesome. I was supposed to bring her my Mandy Moore albums so she could take a look at them, but I don’t know where they are, so I brought the DVD “The Adventures of Mimi” and the CD & DVD “Spice Girls: Greatest Hits.” After all the dancing and ping-pong playing in the beginning, we watched some Spice Girls music videos and listened to the beautiful voice of Mariah Carey. Then, as the night was approaching and more people were coming (The party started at 1 p.m. but people were so late that they were arriving even at 7 p.m.) we were having more and more fun, be it in front of the television, in front of the computer, or just by talking and watching people dance.

Chris even made her special Omusubi for us to have some, until Cass had to ask what was in it, and she showed the ingredients to us, but one of the ingredients were little eel-like white blue-eyed thingies. I felt so bad for eating them, that I could eat anymore, I just ate the one that I put in my plate. Sofy in the other hand, seemed to be even more attracted by the food after she noticed the little eels. But still, thank you Chris! I loved the taste, but I just felt like eels aren’t for me… I hope you didn’t go through a lot to make them. Although, the food Chris made ended faster than our plates full of barbecue food.

at about 6:50, we decided to watch a movie that Cary rented, “The Messengers.” It’s such a terrible, terrible movie. It’s just like “Amityville Horror,” just a lot less scary and the actors are terrible. But still, it’s a pretty creepy movie, especially when you decide to look at the screen at the wrongest/worst moments, like when the borders of blood of the previous owner of the house that’s spilled onto the wall turns into the corpse of the woman. The story is mostly about a house and this family dyed in the house because of a mysterious person. Many years later, another family moves into the house and start to see the dead ex-owners, but only the teenager really relives the story of the family, the others only find out about their company towards the end of the movie.

The rest of the night was pretty much dancing and YouTube-watching. Everyone ended up leaving, and it was about 11:00 p.m. already. I took a ride with Cary and her parents to my house because my father and mother were out on a date.

I have only bought one movie so far over here, and I want to watch many movies in Cary’s birthday party january 10th. So, Sofy and I were talking in MSN earlier, and she reminded me of “Darkness Falls,” a movie I’ve been wanting to watch since second grade when a very dear friend of mine (Patricia Machado) who left school already, was telling some people about the terror movie she had watched. It was about this tooth fairy that died and she killed anyone who looked at her at night. I didn’t get the movie when she explained it to me, it just didn’t make sense.

After Bo got interested in the Buffy series, she told me about “Darkness Falls” and how Emma Caulfield stars in it. (By the way, after Sarah Michelle Gellar, Emma Caulfield is my favorite actress, she’s my 2nd favorite actress) She told me a brief summary of the story and suddenly… DEJA VU! It reminded me of Patricia telling us about it, except I understood it much more now. Bo is planning this evil scheme which contains the movie, somehow. She doesn’t let me buy it over here and I’m really eager for her surprise, and yet scared, because it’s probably one of the scariest movies I’ll ever see. But still, I trust Bo, and I know she knows me, and if she says that I’m going to like it, it’s because I’m going to.

The other one I want to watch is one I bought named “I Know Who Killed Me” and it stars Lindsay Lohan as a stripper. I thought nothing too weird would happen in the movie, since it’s a terror movie, it wouldn’t show much of the stripper part. I was wrong. My sister and I wanted to watch it really bad, so we did, and the first scene, she was already in the “action” and my sister and I looked at each other with weird looks to explain to each other “Woah, already?” when suddenly this woman’s boobs pop into the screen (Not Lindsay Lohan’s, some sick woman’s) and I got scared for my sister watching it and turned it off. I wanted it to watch it in Cary’s birthday as well, but I’ll try to skip all the strip parts if there are more than one.

Now, the one I’ve always wanted to watch since I’ve watched the first two: “I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer.” Cary is having her party just to have a nice lunch together with us and to watch the third movie to our favorite collection in the whole world! I’m really looking forward to her party, I have this feeling it’s going to be VERY fun.

Today, Sofy had her birthday party in “Kindai,” an amazing japanese restaurant here in Campinas. I arrived 2 minutes before Sofy, and we got to talk a little while we waited for Cary and Cassy. They arrived and some time later, Xtina (Christina/Chris/Chrissy) arrived. We talked a lot, and made the whole restaurant know that we had arrived, and we waited for Pam in the process. Xtina called her, and she informed us she was lost. We decided to eat a short time later. We started to eat this different kind of sushi that was put on our table by the waiter. I’m telling you it was GOOD. Everyone at the table had a lot of experience with chop-sticks, except for Cary. We got her the kid one, with the little squishy dividers which helps you manipulate the chop-sticks better. Everybody LOVES japanese food, so we repeated at least two times, and the tofu soup as well. We also loved the tropical punch cocktail (Which I introduced to my dear friends, proving my experience in the restaurant, and, of course, excellent taste), which was delicious. We had so much fun making fun of everything, laughing, joking around, and it was the BEST of the BEST-EST birthday of the history of BEST birthday parties.

Until IT came along. (Alice, if you’re reading this, you’ll be shocked by this part): The girl, we once saw in Tock & Stock was there, with her mother, and her mother was wearing the same backpack she was wearing when our last-last encounter occurred. Now all my friends saw her, and we made fun of her together.Some time later, Cassy, Chris and Pam went to the bathroom, and I stayed with Bo (Baby So) and Cary. Bo said she had nausea a long time ago, and we didn’t really care before, since she had said she was never full. It was then that Sofy coughed, and Cary went a little bit to the side of the couch to avoid cough-particles on her. Sofy than covered her mouth, threw up a little in her mouth, and suddenly, the vomit gushed through her fingers, and she threw up on Cassy’s dessert. At first I was worried, and then I burst out laughing so hard. Cary told me to fetch Pam, but she was in the bathroom, so I just paralyzed and stayed there. Sofy asked for napkins, so Cary and I gave her millions (One at a time between a 3 mintues interval). Cary told Pam that Sofy threw up and Pam was like “Stop kidding around with these things,” and Cary was like “No, it’s true.” they all ran up to her aid, and Sofy got to clean herself up a little. It was then that she said the funniest thing “Cass, don’t look at your dessert.”Some minutes later, we talked about some more things, and I left, brooding on how bad a friend I am for not helping someone that means so much to me at the time she felt the worst. I LOVE YOU BO! AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I don’t know who choses which student will be in each class, although, I do know that whoever this person is, it’s a very cruel and “un-mercyful.” I had classes with Cary since 3rd grade, like I mentioned millions of times, and now, we have NO classes together. In the first day of school, I was all anxious for the schedule because the maximum I expected was one or two classes without one of them, but instead I got 2 classes without Sofy and no classes with Cary.

I also feel like I’m missing a lot in Cary’s life and she’s missing a lot in ours, but we still talk daily, and protect, and proudly remain with our title as “The Triniy,” but still, it just feels odd, telling daily events to each other is not the same as living daily events.

Today, Sofy and I had this hilarious portuguese class, and Cary wasn’t there, and when we told her, it wasn’t 1/1000000 of the fun it had been, I won’t even tell what happened, because it wouldn’t be funny to you people, you’d think we’re stupid, it’s part of our “Trinity-Telepathic-Humor,” and it’s true, I ain’t kiddin’, it’s creepy, Cary, Sofy and I developed this weird telepathic bond in which we say things at the same time, or we say what the other was thinking, and it’s not once or twice, it’s like always.

Yesterday I even developed this strong, out-of-nowhere depression, and I’m telling you, it was very sad, it went until today, before the portuguese class, which cured it… it’s incredible how weird things can cure a terrible case of depression. I’m telling you, it was terrible, I didn’t know what I was sad at, I just brooded, and my attitude became this gloomy thing, I felt like I was dragging my body around, and it came out of nowhere, nothing had happened, the day was going great, and it just striked me…

All this happened and it’s only the beginning of this year, well, we’ll see what’ll happen next, and hopefully, The Trinity will remain how it was since The Golden Ages, and that all this was just an adaption to the drastic change in our schedules.

Some of you know a previous post with the same title from my previous blog, “Heal Over,” but now, as proof of how much people care for my life, I’ll complete it, a little more, with present events, but first, I’ll throw in previous things, already said in “Heal Over.”

I don’t know why, but The Trinity seems to be the center of attention for the whole school, we’re the ones who were attacked by monkeys, we’re the ones who always seem to be friendly and all, but most important, we’re the victims of every rumor, and it’s starting to get me furious, and y’all know how my soul gets troubled, vengeful and heavy when I’m furious.

I’ve been notified that in 6th grade there was a guy who was telling everyone that he saw my report card, and that I wasn’t what everyone thought I was, because he only saw F’s, nothing more, thank God he left school, because if he was still there by the time I knew this, The Trinity wouldn’t have been united because I’d have gone to jail. I’m not furious for the rumor, I’m furious for the fact that he lied, I’m a very intelligent person, everybody knows that, and this fat, short, annoying guy who I hardly ever talked to, tells everyone I had F’s? To his information, I never got an F as a final grade… Unlike him, he was just jealous of me… I guess… Once again: I’m such a celebrity.

Another time was when this girl, Vanessa, made us fight with another girl, Thais, just becuase she was mad with Thais, she wanted to involve us, and why US? that’s what I wanna know, why not the other girls, why Cary, Sofy and I? I dunno, and that really surprised us, since Vanessa was always polite, gentil and friendly towards everyone, until she came up to us and said that whenever we weren’t near, Thais would say how we were only trying to catch attention, and blablabla, we discovered it was all a lie, from Vanessa’s own mouth, well, we’re still friends with her, it’s not worth it anyways, she was angry one day, what’s the deal, right? She’s always been a good friend, but, once again, why us?

Now, here’s the most recent one. There is this boy, in our ex-class, his name is Victor, and he repeated 7th grade, because of being irresponsible throughout the year, only beginning to focus in the last weeks. I never liked him, actually, he bacame this person trapped into a virtual protective shell, isolated from everyone, when some teacher asks us to walk with him, it gets me mad, why us? Ask someone who knows him. If we say anything to him, even a positive thing, and he starts throwing all these thoughtless insults at as us, like we did something wrong. Well, anyways, I felt real bad for him repeating 7th grade, I wold be depressed, desperate and dead in the inside… (Hey, these could be my 3 d’s! Cool!) and everytime I saw him in the halls, I’d say a hello, and all, just for him to feel more comfortable to know that we don’t look at him as the person who repeated 7th grade, just as Victor, the guy who BACK-STABBED ME! Now, he’s telling everyone in his 7th grader-world that I stole something from him, it’s such a fake lie that he doesn’t even tell what I supposedly stole from him, I never talked to him, and everyone knows I’m not a robber, I’m anything BUT a robber, Victor should really think before he says anything like this, I was shocked because I hardly ever knew him, that doesn’t give him any right to do that… After all, I’ve been witness that every single “real” bills he finds in the floor, he says it’s his, even though it’s somebody else’s, HE’S the one wo steals around here, not me… I actually don’t care if he’s in 7th grade or not, what surprised me was the fact that it took him long to repeat, he doesn’t have the greatest grades in the world, nor the attitude, this rumor really got me angry.

These were probably not the only rumors talking about me, or The Trinity, but if there’s something I hate, it’s lying, specially when it’s about me, I just wish I’d know about every rumor about me, so I could explain it’s just a rumor, and open other’s peoples eyes, for them to stop being such idiots, and start to be more mature, and not to believe what untrustworthy people tell them.

The Situation:

The Trinity is in danger. Today, during the class meeting and the elections, Cary and I gathered with Renato and Cassandra in the corner of the class, to talk a little while they counted the votes. As soon as I got there, Renato said: “Alvaro, Cary, (Yep, he called her Cary) Cassandra and I are a ‘Trinitity’” I corrected him, it’s so not a trinitity, it’s a TRINITY! I was enraged by that comment, I understand that Cary is too light-hearted and she’d agree with anything he’d say, especially now that he thinks she’s his best friend. Cary and I considered including Cassandra into The Trinity, since when she walked into school, she was automatically our friend, although it seems weird, it’s very true, but Renato? I don’t think any of us had ever a connection with him, but he is our friend, so we told him to find another group, and maybe form another Trinity.

The Problem:

Talita, Bia, and many other girls involved themselves when they heard our discussion, they started to argue with us that they wanted to be in our Trinity as well, but now, there would be like one million people in it, and it’s more meaningful than that, it’s not supposed to be a class, nor a community, it supposed to be a Trinity, Cary, Alvy and Sofy!

My View:

I think it’s the second time Renato tries to copy us in something when he promissed he wouldn’t do that ever again, and the previous time resulted in The Trinity’s blog being abandoned, he should’ve learned his lesson then. Becoming a Trinity was such a big step in my life, or our lives, and now these bunch of students want to copy us because it’s fun? I find it insulting, it makes me so mad. If any of you are reading this and you continue with this Trinity trend you’re dead to me, sorry, but it means a lot to me, and everybody knows how I hate it when anybody copies me, especially after the previous scandal.

Today, in school, broad daylight, Sofy, Cary and I… Sofy… Cary… *sniff* and I… were… attacked… by… MONKEYS!

As we were coming up from the cantina, we saw this string of black tamarin monkeys going up a tree and onto the roof of the elementary principal’s office building thing. We always see them and they are TOO CUTE! I love… excuse me… lovED them. We just pointed at them and said how cute they were and how “screechy” they were sounding, and at the same time, weird, they seemed like they were doing something inappropraite, but we didn’t care, we have naturally polluted minds, we knew they were just poor, innocent monkeys who prefer to hide and be cutely mysterious… we KNEW. So, going up the stairs, one of the monkeys was sitting there, innocently staring at us with its cute, round brown eyes, suddenly, it opens its tiny cute mouth and lets out this piercing “screechy” scream, and all the monkeys upon the roof surround us, and start to scream, like a ritual, and one of them jumped at us and stepped on Cary’s shoes, when he was about to do that, we screamed, so maybe that’s why he only stepped on her shoes, he got scared, maybe our screams meant that we were summoning other people, just like he/she a few seconds ago. When The Trinity screamed the teachers that were in the office after the stairs (Not the previous one, where the monkeys were) all came out of the office and witnessed the attack, Sofy and I waited there, while Cary was trying to escape from the monkey chaos, and evading a monkey on the stairs, which ran away, Sofy and I followed.

After that, we stayed nea the office, and saw the little monkey fight, three monkeys started to fight/play right in our front, it was real cute, even if the intentions of the monkeys were to rip out their interiors, it was still really cute. They seemed to have some attraction to Sofy, wherever she went, they followed her, although they didn’t dare go out of the grassy areas and into the “human territory,” they still made it clear that they were stalking Sofy.

Later on, Mrs. Herrera (Our advisory teacher) told us that she doesn’t know why the monkeys are being so hostile these days, they are usually very quiet, lonely and independent. I agree with her, they never did anything like this before, or if they have done something like this, they definetly hid their victims well… Monkeys are very similar to humans after all, but unlike us, they wouldn’t be suspects in a student kidnap, who knows, maybe monkeys are behind kidnaps, maybe Sofy, Cary and I would be the next victims! I always knew there was something weird with these monkeys…

Soon vacation will be over, and I don’t feel prepared for a new year in school. I know I have Sofy and Cary, which will be my lights through the long, 4-semesters long, neverending dark tunnel called school. I don’t feel prepared for that long year we all crave to end. First it’s like: “Oh my, I love school, it’s gonna be an excellent year!” and then PUFF, all that illusion’s gone, like sand in the wind. We’ll have to do all that beginning of the year things, such as:

1. Put all these kinds materials into our lockers wondering if we’re ever gonna use all of them.

2. Recieve all these textbooks from our teachers, making us discouraged just to think about all the work we’re going to have through the year.

3. Become bored through subjects we hate, and teachers insist to teach us in the first day of school.

All these things are trivial, but they are SO annoying, I hate the first day of school, it’s the worst of all days of school (There are some exceptions, but all that depends on what’s going on at the time).

———————————————————————————-

Today was a very tiring day for me. My mother is re-decorating my room, FINALLY! it’s been that way since 1999, when technology didn’t exist, therefore my room is anti-technology, no TV, can you imagine that? Thank God I have my laptop, or else I’d be totally isolated. What I hate is that my room is so damn small. My sister has this friend who has such a HUGE room that she has a walk-in closet as well, leading into her bathroom, and she’s 9! I’m 13 and I don’t have a frikin’ walk-in closet! I need the space much more than her. What is a 9 year-old gonna leave in a walk-in closet anyways? Moving on, I had to take out all thoes things off my room, books, TV seasons, and every other things, I don’t know what happened to me, I guess I was in my throwing-out-all-my-meaningful-things day, I TOTALLY cleaned my room… I kinda felt bad in the end, since most of the things were gifts and all, from people that I care for, but it’s for the best, if I was to keep all that, I’d need a WALK-IN CLOSET!!!