I’ve been back in Brazil since Sunday, and I’ve been really busy catching up with school. As a matter of fact, today, tomorrow and friday I’ll be staying from 8:15 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. to retake my missed test (School ends at 3:15). It’s pretty nerve-wracking, especially because I’ll be doing them alone, but I don’t regret one second of going to Miami and meeting Utada and her amazing fans!
Speaking of Utada’s fans, I’d like to thank everyone who’s subscribing to my newly-created YouTube channel and I’ve been getting some recognition from YouTube for your subscriptions and views! Thank you so much, it really means a lot that the videos I uploaded have been so accepted! I’ve been gaining a few more friends online due to that and I’m so happy! This week I have the 63rd most watched account of Brazil. I had a lot more of these award things, but unfortunately, I’m lagging behind! I might have to upload some more videos later on! I’d like to know if you would like music videos, Utada’s personal videos or what other kind of videos I could upload, I’d be happy to hear your suggestions!
I haven’t had much time for a²fiction so far because of everything that’s been going on, but I’m hoping that by the weekend, I’ll have a few more review posts up!
I guess life will continue to be as normal as always, but I’ll try to keep myself busy in other things when I’m not studying. I just had an English presentation and I needed to bring a song that related to the story we’re reading, A Separate Peace. I picked Me Muero by Utada. When I looked at the powerpoint, the beautiful Hikki pictures I had selected for the presentation weren’t there, so I had to present with a blank slide with plain, black text… Not exciting at all, but the song made up for it, it’s really amazing! I guess it got a positive response from the class, which is always a bonus.
Today was a really social day for me. Today we had a special schedule in school (Basically cutting 15 minutes off our long blocks and a few from our shorter blocks) for a special meeting we’d be having with other kids of middle and high school in separate groups about shared values. The students were all mixed together… Like Oil and water… My group and I had nothing to do with each other, but I still kept a positive attitude, and figuring I was basically one of the most confident people in my group, I had nothing to worry about, and I truly didn’t.
Each student was assigned to a group, maybe of 10 students from both middle and high school, and were also assigned a room where they’d meet at the end of the day. I felt kind of sorry for the student in charge of the meeting, I’ve always seen her around, and she looks really fun! She was always trying to bring some humor, or maybe even anything to the conversation, but people were really closed, except for me and another boy. I think we’re the ones that spoke the most, and I didn’t feel intimidated at all! This is new for me, and seeing how other people were so shy, I felt like I had to speak so that these efforts to unify the school weren’t wasted. I felt like it was also a time to speak up and enhance my confidence a little, like a challenge for myself! I liked it!
The intro video to open the discussion was that of a girl that was different and wasn’t accepted in any of the “clicks” of her school. The song that played in the background was Beautiful, I guess the song that had most airplay in 2002, and one of the best by Christina Aguilera! I like it a lot!
I really respect difference, and I love it, it makes people original, what they are, and I feel like I took the lead in the meeting because not only did I know how it is to feel so different, but I respected others differences. I love being different and I know that I’m admired for never hiding who I am and that even though I am different from everyone else, I feel like people respect that! I’m happy for that, but I’m sad that other people aren’t respected for theirs, I see many examples of this at school, even.
School was over and I was brooding about what I would have to do next. I would be going to a boy’s house (A boy who I never talked to, that I’ve never seen in my life) because my piano teacher likes to schedule get-togethers with the students where we’d play piano for each other. I started this May to play the piano, so she let me play only next time, leaving me to watch them all.
I guess I tested the concept of inclusion discussed at the meeting, and I was welcomed really well in this boy’s house, he’s a few years older than me (Maybe 15 or 17), and he plays the piano for a long time, and really well. He was really friendly and I didn’t feel like another student I really felt like a student! My teacher complimented my skills to everyone and that even though I’m not playing today, I’m an excellent student, and that opened to many conversations between the parents and me, and I didn’t feel awkward at all! Not even intimidated. It was a fun experience, actually. At first, I didn’t really want to be there, but then people shared experiences and it became less of a burden and more of a new experience. There were many talented people there, and I’m glad that now I’m one of them!
I feel like the days now are going to be more positive! I hope and I want them to be! It was a good day today.
This is how I came to school today
I guess I woke up with the wrong foot… Or the wrong pair of shoes. I don’t know what happened, but I came to school wearing two different shoes! At least they’re both Nike, so it wasn’t all that off. I tried making a joke out of it the whole day and have a little bit of fun, even though I was disturbed by it… Jacksy (My English teacher) wisely put it all in one question: “Would you rather have mismatching shoes or no shoes at all?” My pick is a mismatching pair. It was pretty funny to watch people’s expressions when I told them to look at my shoes… A little humor to an embarrassing fact (At least both of them matched my outfit).
Just yesterday I posted about the many different flavors of my life and how I’m using music as a source of inspiration and happiness, and it seems like today served as a challenge to test my theories of embracing challenges that come my way.
Not only did I come to school with mismatching shoes that I didn’t notice until it was pointed out, but I also wasn’t all that happy. I felt like it was a continuation of the hard day I went through recently. I feel like I went badly on the math quiz I took today (And not so bad on the test I took on that same hard day!), but at least I can retake it… But still, it’s bad to have a weighted conscience for something like this.
Today was basically a soap opera. When I discovered that my pair of shoes weren’t really a pair of shoes, (During P.E.) Pamela got hurt with the softball and a boy in our class had no consideration for it, and continued the attempt to burn a player off the game. Everyone noticed and started going against him while Pam was on the floor, in a lot of pain. She needed to be brought up, and the boy who couldn’t even pretend to care was the strongest one. People called him and he ignored them, but when I said that he should bring her up he exploded and started to call me names, including the other people too. He has a really short temper and after his screaming and name-calling fit, he started to cry. It was really annoying, but it was worth it because he got to hear a piece of my mind and I’m sick of him dealing with problems in an aggressive and unnecessary way, and then crying.
I had a weighted conscience for many things, but I still couldn’t not stop to listen to some really great music!
Kimberly Wyatt: A dancer/singer for The Pussycat Dolls. She recorded a song for the deluxe edition of their latest album, Doll Domination, and so far, it’s my favorite song from the album. She covered the song Don’t Wanna Fall In Love, and it’s really good! Reminds me of Britney Spears, kind of, but it still has its own life and spirit. I like it a lot!
Mary J. Blige: Utada Hikaru’s favorite diva (Hikki even confessed that she couldn’t live without Mary J. Blige’s second album). I downloaded her latest album (Growing Pains) and I love Just Fine! It’s a great mood raiser and a fun upbeat song! I’ll be looking at a few more songs by her… She’s worth the listen!
The day doesn’t seem to have gone all that bad as it seemed before, I guess that just a little positivity will do what lots of effort can’t (And vice-versa, of course). Even though there are many tiny little negative things every now and then, I still love where I am!
Lately, like I am frequently expressing, the days haven’t been as exciting as I wished they’d be, or as fun, but I feel myself addicted to music and I love carrying my iPod everywhere to listen to it if I have the opportunity. I’ve been balancing the discovery of new Japanese music with music that I haven’t been listening to for a while and that I used to love, never missing a chance to bring back nostalgia… Something that 2008 has been all about for me. Some of the artists I’ve been listening to a lot:
Britney Spears: I miss the 90’s Britney Spears (But then again, what don’t I miss from the 90’s?), and it seems like whenever an artist leaves the music scene for a while, their style changes completely, and I have to admit that Blackout wasn’t a big hit for me… One song that I’ve been listening to a lot is I’ve Just Begun (Having My Fun) and also a few older songs like Showdown and Touch Of My Hand. In The Zone is a great album along with older hits of hers.
t.A.T.u.: t.A.T.u. is such a fun group. I like their controversial songs like Not Gonna Get Us, that was quite famous at the time of its release, but I also like songs that aren’t so famous like Sacrifice and I also love Loves Me Not. Their style hasn’t changed much, which is good because I like it a lot and they’re always good to listen to!
Utada Hikaru: The basic Japanese music. I’ve been listening a lot to upbeat songs like Keep Tryin’, but also to songs like 光 (Hikari). I also love Fight The Blues! It’s really good. Hikki’s voice is really good and she always brings me back! It’s always good to remember that I have her to listen to! Her upbeat songs bring up my mood a lot. I’ve also been listening to a lot of songs of her First Love era (Her debut album). Songs like Another Chance and Never Let Go.
Ami Suzuki: I like Ami Suzuki’s music, even though it’s not quite my style because it’s really techno and all, but there’s something about the flexibility of it that makes me listen to it every once in a while! Songs like Like A Love?, can’t stop the DISCO, Crystal and especially Bitter… always make me listen to her. She’s also really cute and I’ve been listening to her a lot! I think that if I listen to her music again after some time, I’ll be sure to remember how 9th grade was all about her!
Life has a different flavor these days and I find myself very much in touch with a more poetic, soulful side when I’m not busy being random and positive, or busy (When in school) about everything else. Urban, for example, the poem I’ve written lately is a written record of my newfound love for my surroundings and the city, the music, everything. I felt inspired by the city and the words flowed naturally. I’m experiencing a new phase of my life and I like it in a way… Even if I don’t like it so much in another, it’s still change, and like everything else (Or nothing else), I’ll try to embrace it, or I’ll have to embrace it.
Today was a really, really bad day, and I even found myself so down that I wished it would commit suicide… Yes, it was that bad for me, I pretty much hit rock bottom after I wish the death of a day… But English class with Jacksy (aka Miss. Jackson) lifted me up!
Things That Made Me Wish For The Death Of Today:
The Project Factor: First, in the morning, my geography teacher wanted us to present a project that my partner, (Carol) weren’t ready for. We weren’t ready for it because problems happened when she came over this weekend to complete it and I had highlighted the wrong project theme assigned to us, and she didn’t know either, so we had problems there. Yesterday I did my part all neat and sent it to her for put it in a powerpoint presentation. The day before, the teacher told me that he was able to postpone the due date if there were any problems. Being late, Carol decided that it’d best doing a good project later than a hurried one now and decided to do her part later and postpone the due date (Besides, her computers are corrupted with tons of virus).
This morning, the original due date, the teacher insisted on not changing it and said that he never told me he would postpone the due date, when he clearly said it the day before. Carol explained everything to him (Kind of angry, I admit… But it was funny) and he succumbed to her irate arguments… It’s a happy ending, but still, really stressful.
The Earphone Factor: I was heading to math class, far away from the lockers and close to the biology lab, so it’s only wise that I bring my biology book (Overweight biology book) and notebook along with my math textbook (Also overweight) and notebook so I don’t have to go back to my locker and take a lot more time. I got to math exhausted, listening to music, and I just dropped my materials on the desk. When I went back from my crooked posture (From holding the books), I felt a tug from the earphone.
Turns out I just dropped the whole pile of hardcover, extremely heavy books on my left earphone. When I took it out from under the pile, it was broken and the top was coming off. This made me completely upset… Math class didn’t make it any better.
The Test Factor: Today we had a math test and at first, I was quite confident, but we are learning many different ways of solving problems that all look the same… I got very confused with them but I did my best and I think I got at least 3 (of the 5) questions right. I was so frustrated, when I got the test, I was so upset, I thought I didn’t know anything, but after some thinking I guess I pulled through. To make things worse, I lost my eraser yesterday… Imagine the math test of a person without an eraser.
English Class (Positive Moments)
The Story Factor: Jacksy asked us to write a story using 15 of the vocabulary words for the unit we’re studying. Carole and I were writing one together, and naturally, it was on Tila Tequila and Amy Winehouse.
Lately, Tila has been having bad fame between the teachers (It all came from our world history teacher, who doesn’t like Tila at all), especially to Jacksy because she hears stuff about Tila all the time from me. Carole is aware of my interests, and was a really attentive and fun partner. We made a love story between Tila and Amy, of course, it’s fiction, and it’s all about the fun. It was refreshing writing and sharing our story.
The Monkey Factor: Jacksy was talking to us how she thinks the monkeys in school are so ugly and scary. I love them, they’re so cute, but apparently, their cute little figures don’t please everyone. When they eat banana, their tiny little faces get filled with banana. They’re marmoset monkeys and are so adorable.
It was so funny talking to her and figuring out how she’s so scared of monkeys because they’re so similar to us. It’s true, though… Only Jacksy is really delicate and she’s easily scared (Half the time, I’m the cause of her getting scared). She said she wanted to throw rocks at the monkeys when I said that I fed them once (With chips!). It was a great talk.
At least the day ended well… Now I have to focus on more homework for the second part of my math test and a bunch of other stuff. This is how painful our weeks have been… More than one test per week drives me insane.
Cass looking out the porch of a hotel in Angra.
Today was officially the last day of school of one of the greatest friends I ever had… I couldn’t be any sadder.
This friend is Cass, a girl born in New Zealand with a wonderful English accent and who changed us so much. She’s been with us for one year now, but it’s amazing how much time it seems we spent together. She’s always beautiful, cute and fun to be around. It’s really a shame that she has to leave.
I remember her first day in school, how I looked at her and thought to myself how different she was from everyone else (Different in a good way), how her hair, her style, her beauty was so different from our own, and I was in doubt if she would fit in. She did, so much that Chris and I were crying like babies today at her farewell party. I guess we are the ones that mostly clicked with her. A few other people showed emotion and sympathy for the situation, but Chris and I were helpless, sighing and hiccuping. It was really an emotional moment for us.
I spent 2 hours yesterday preparing a video for her with over 60 pictures (All from my dear friends that helped me out), and a few messages. She got a tattoo done in kanji meaning “never forget,” referring to us and Brazil. I used that in the video as well, in case nobody understands the ending.
This year I spent with Cass meant a lot, and I never would have imagined that I would be so helpless with her departure. I guess now it hit me that she is actually leaving. That I’m never going to see her smile anymore. That I’m never going to hear her fun comments on current events. That I won’t hear her reply “your mom” to every sound that comes out from our mouths. That I won’t have anyone to make up various nicknames for. That I’ll never feel annoyed by a short, cute, blonde figure that I love being annoyed by. That I’ll never see that short, cute, blonde figure again. That I won’t have my peanut butter with me.
About the peanut butter, some time ago, my teacher, Ms. Jackson, noticed how Cass and I share a different kind of relationship, and she said we complete each other, like peanut butter and jelly. From then on, Cass has been my peanut butter and I have been her jelly.
We shared so many good times, since 2007, and I wish there were many more years to come for great times and moments, but I guess this won’t be the case anymore. Bye, Cass, keep in mind that I’ll always be here for you.
From Left To Right: Renato, Gonzalo, Carol, Cassandra, Me, Chris, Sofy
For the past two weeks, I’ve been extremely busy, worried and stressed out. School has reached a point that everyone is tired and crazy, and there are people admitting that they have no social lives anymore. It isn’t a lie. Nobody cheers the other up, for the each one of us is as wrecked as the other, so 9th grade is one big, sad, grey blob of unmotivated students.
Lately I’ve been going to bed at 11:00 p.m. and waking up at 7:00 a.m. just to go through another day at school. I’ve been having to do some work at school as well because it doesn’t all fit in one night, and just now I stayed hours studying for my geography and biology quizzes. Unfortunately, I can’t help but feel if this was enough, because it’s too much for one day, and some details tend to escape my mind.
Tomorrow I will still have to go through a tougher session of studying for my Portuguese test along with Portuguese questions and reading the Portuguese book. I’ll also be taking my history test on friday to top it all off. I hope this is only because it’s the end of the quarter and next week it’ll all be relaxing and fresh. But then, I get science fair in mind and I’m back to my initial thoughts of despair thinking that there will be one day that I’ll have to fight the demons of laziness and procrastination.
Even though I’m full of things to do, I can’t help but feel an accumulation of creativity that I would like unleash somewhere. I’d love it to be here, so I’m thinking of trying to write a narrative again! I’ll be thinking about the story when I can set my mind somewhere that isn’t related to school! I want it to be a mixture of Koda Kumi’s music videos for TABOO and Aishou. I’d love to have her as inspiration for my character, and I’ll be thinking of a really fun story line for this story I’ll be formulating, and once it’s ready, I’ll post it up in a separate page. I’ll also be posting up a soundtrack for the story later on for you to have a better taste of the story.
Today was a great day but unfortunately, within a bad month, (In terms of school) full of things to do, I’ll find myself pretty busy soon, but I want to enjoy all my free time while it’s still there!
At around 8:30 it was C.I.P. (Community service) at our school! The group that I volunteered to go with for C.I.P. is one that heads to a shelter with kids that had problems at home and were taken away from their guardians. We head there and help out with the kids and the shelter! It turned out to be a lot more fun than what I expected! The bus had problems, and that cut our 4 hours short, 2 teachers and one student from our group were kind enough to drive us to the place, (Of course, one of the teacher was a sponsor for our group) just so we’d get a 2 hour preview of what we’d be doing for C.I.P. this year. I’m pretty much a neat freak, (If I were to name the Friends character that I’m mostly like, I’d be Monica with not a shadow of a doubt) and I love organization, so instead of helping out with the kids, I stayed with a few others organizing the library they had at the shelter. It turned out to be a lot of fun! Not only did I become more familiar with other students I didn’t know before, but I also had a great time organizing their books and cleaning out the library (With the help of the others, of course). It was pretty rewarding and tiring work. It drained me a little through the day, though.
The rest of the day, when we got back to school was lunch and three more classes. I was pretty tired, but it continued to be a normal day at school. For English class, though, our teacher, Ms. Jackson, told us to pick a popular tune of a song and to change the lyrics around for the vocabulary words to fit in the song, so we’d have to change the lyrics around, more than a few words. My partner, Carole, and I decided to go with Rehab, by Amy Winehouse, and it’s turning out to be fun! The lyrics make sense and I think we’re fitting in the words just fine.
These days, Amy Winehouse has taken over my iPod, I listen to her refreshing jazz the whole time, and so far, my favorites are many, but they are: You Sent Me Flying, Tears Dry On Their Own (A song that even Ms. Jackson likes), Valerie, Fuck Me Pumps, Help Yourself, and Stronger Than Me. She’s so amazing, and I heard that she’s writing her songs for her 3rd studio album that’ll be based off The Wizard of Oz. Maybe it’ll have some light-hearted songs along with the jazz and R&B that only her music can bring to us. I also heard that now she’s practicing some praying that seems to be helping her with her recovery! I can only wish for the best! Amy Winehouse is just awesome and I hate to see her destroy herself.
My day only got better when just now I discovered that Utada Hikaru’s upcoming English album is to be released some day between October and March according to U.Blog, and I believe that it’ll be sooner than 2009 because that was the initial idea, that the album would be released in 2008, but we never know, so I guess we’ll all have to wait & see (Wait & See is also the name an Utada Hikaru song)!
When I got home, I got out my player and listened to Valerie and many other songs in my room for some time while doing my homework and it’s like therapy. Jazz is good for the spirit! To please your own spirit, here is Tears Dry On Their Own!
Lately, I have been noticing this change in my personality. I think I’m becoming a lot more outgoing and my shyness is slowly falling behind. I still have my moments but I feel a lot better about myself, about taking risks and exposure. Maybe because I have so many wonderful friends that support me, maybe because I’m being influenced by many different people now, I don’t know, but I like it a lot more than living in a protective shell that I hardly come out of.
I also took my time while I was buying my new school gear to buy a notebook for myself where I’d write down things I’d like to write about! I like poetry, so as soon as I get inspiration, I’ll be doing that in the notebook, and I’ll also be writing whatever comes to mind! It’s kind of HEART STATION in a notebook! It’s also really cute, it’s not as big average-sized notebook, it’s about half the height, and it has an average thickness. The cover is black with Japanese designs of bamboos and a carp, really artistic and inspiring! I believe my first entry to it will be the translated lyrics for Stay Gold, by Utada Hikaru!
These days I’ve been really into a song by Japanese singer Shiina Ringo. The name of the song is 本能 (Pronounced Honnou) and it’s really different from the things I listen to (Usually rhythm and blues) but Shiina Ringo’s voice with the beautiful rock music of 本能 is impossible not to enjoy. Some of her songs are really good too, but from the ones I’ve listened to so far, 本能 is the best.
Ms. Jackson, my English teacher, likes to have a variety of different vocabulary games for us to improve our vocabulary, and between these games is our class favorite, the vocabulary pageant. The game goes like this: you volunteer to either be a contestant, a judge, or the audience. The audience really doesn’t do anything but clap. The judges ask the contestants questions using the words from the vocabulary unit we’re studying, and the contestants have to answer while proving that you know and understand the word. Last time, I was really nervous for it, because I am one of the best English students and I wanted to observe how this pageant went and then ace it on the next pageant. I guess the class really wanted the shy little Alvy to go up there and somehow get comfortable with all the focus. I was the first to be eliminated. But this time, even against my will, (My dreams of becoming Brazil’s next vocabulary model were crushed) I decided I had nothing to lose. I really understood the words, and at the end, I tied with Marina, a friend of mine, and we both got to have crowns and we’re both vocabulary geniuses! I felt a lot more comfortable about going up, like I said, I am gaining a lot more self-esteem and I’m enjoying classes more now!
To celebrate the occasion, here it is! 本能, by Shiina Ringo! Enjoy!
Filed under: School
Today was the first official day in high school, and the fact that Sofy isn’t in school anymore has made it a lot harder to go through high school. So much has changed, and I see that my positive outlook on high school was quickly substituted by the thought of the final bell to go home. This isn’t an effect of post-vacation trauma or anything like that, it’s just because the days seem so much longer, I don’t seem to have any inspiration through the day, nothing that made me want to jump out of bed and run to the shower as soon as my eyes were opened. Nothing like that, it just seems like there will only be excessive studying and weighted consciences through the bumpy road of 9th grade.
I don’t even want to think about my grades counting for college now. Before, I always thought that it wouldn’t count until next year, and it is next year, these next 4 years with lots of hard work seem hopeless to me, honestly, I don’t know how I’m going to deal with having my friends all scattered, this new environment, and everything else. I just feel really upset.
Today I made a complete fool out of myself in Math and English class. For math, our teacher, Mr. Takeuti, wanted to test how much we remember since last year, and he decided that he’d put up some questions on the board so we could answer. The easier the question, the worse it gets for me, I get way too nervous and I can’t think right. Of course I had to solve for two squared, after one hour thinking and admitting I wasn’t good at problems being thrown at me, for I get really nervous, I said “16″ I did 2 x 2 and then 4 squared, and then I thought “Wait a minute, this can’t be right” and I began thinking once again for what seemed like 15 minutes, and finally said 8. At least Carole was beside me and she treated me like I was solving any other natural problem and assured me the answer was 8 and I was correct. I felt better, but still really bad, and for the rest of the class, I didn’t open my mouth unless I really needed to, which I didn’t.
For English it wasn’t that serious, but because I really like our teacher, Ms. Jackson, I felt like I could’ve pleased her more with my responses to class. When in our discussion, my group was in charge of answering questions 1 and 2 of the worksheet she handed out, regarding the short story The Lottery, by Shirley Jackson. I began the discussion putting myself out there (Something I usually wouldn’t do if it wasn’t for English class, which I’m good at), because I wanted Ms. Jackson to know that I am a dedicated student and I enjoy English, but it turns out I started out wrong, and the beginning of the story did not count as the second paragraph, so I sounded foolish and she corrected me asking “Is that in the beginning?” I felt really bad for the question and didn’t speak for the rest of the class. Things only got worse when one of my group mates kept asking us if one of the characters died at the end, and no matter what we answered, she still asked Ms. Jackson, and I think this only contributed to her thinking I hadn’t read the story and that I’m irresponsible.
I don’t feel one bit positive about 9th grade, I’ll be hoping for the best, but certainly not expecting it.
