I’ve been thinking a lot, especially now that our 4-day weekend began, and I’ve been so happy lately because of a balance I found between my personal life and my internet life! Our school has a shared values program and every quarter we get to meet up with other students and share our thoughts about a certain topic, and this time it’s what we have up on the internet about ourselves. I met some really amazing people online and I’ve had no problems with it so far, and even though I know that some people go through real trouble because of the internet, it’s not my case (I think…), and the conversation might get a bit heated if some hypocrites start saying that internet exposure is as bad as running around naked in a dark alley by a bar like they always pretend it’s like.
I’ve also been thinking about what’s becoming of me now that I began communicating with so many different people I don’t know personally, and I feel like I’m opening myself a lot more, breaking out of the rest of my shell and as much as it’s hard to admit, I’m getting a lot more friendly… No, maybe it’s just that “kawaii” side of me that awakens and makes me sound friendlier. I don’t know, since I’ve been labeled the “nice one” of Utada.com.br… I think it’s just because they don’t know me in real life and assume that I’m so sugar-coated.
One thing I also noticed is the fact that depending on the language I speak, I act a certain way. Portuguese is my cute-sugar-coated-friendly-guards-down language, while when I speak in English, I’m the I-don’t-care-about-that-bitch-so-talk-about-something-I’m-actually-interested-in language, which is really weird. Maybe I’ve been so exclusive to speaking English daily that the last time I spoke in Portuguese daily, I was in like 4th grade, and the 10-year old Alvy got trapped within the language and it’s being released now that I’m using it daily again to talk to my friends over at Utada.com.br. Or maybe I’m just over-thinking this and nobody understood what I’m trying to say.
Maybe I should start naming my alter-egos like Tila Tequila and her alter-ego, Jane. Any suggestions for good me and evil me? I’ll see if I can think of something and I’ll share it when I figure it out! But if you think of anything, let me know!
Okay, Now it’s time for some awesome quotes by our favorite generic Jessica Alba, Danny Noriega!
If you call me fat again, I’ll spray your ass with mace
I’m a purple, sexy, intense, vampire ninja pickle
I fell in front of one of my crushes and I turned red as a cute little tomato and I ran. THAT was TMTH!
These quotes have got to be my favorite ones out of any others in the world! They’re so cute! Well, maybe not the first one, but I feel like the first one is something I’d say.
Is it only me or is this post random and completely unlike other posts I’ve written? (With the number of bad names, going from my alter-egos to Danny Noriega and then to my bilingual disorder?) Uh-oh… Another alter-ego kicking in?
I’ve been back in Brazil since Sunday, and I’ve been really busy catching up with school. As a matter of fact, today, tomorrow and friday I’ll be staying from 8:15 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. to retake my missed test (School ends at 3:15). It’s pretty nerve-wracking, especially because I’ll be doing them alone, but I don’t regret one second of going to Miami and meeting Utada and her amazing fans!
Speaking of Utada’s fans, I’d like to thank everyone who’s subscribing to my newly-created YouTube channel and I’ve been getting some recognition from YouTube for your subscriptions and views! Thank you so much, it really means a lot that the videos I uploaded have been so accepted! I’ve been gaining a few more friends online due to that and I’m so happy! This week I have the 63rd most watched account of Brazil. I had a lot more of these award things, but unfortunately, I’m lagging behind! I might have to upload some more videos later on! I’d like to know if you would like music videos, Utada’s personal videos or what other kind of videos I could upload, I’d be happy to hear your suggestions!
I haven’t had much time for a²fiction so far because of everything that’s been going on, but I’m hoping that by the weekend, I’ll have a few more review posts up!
I guess life will continue to be as normal as always, but I’ll try to keep myself busy in other things when I’m not studying. I just had an English presentation and I needed to bring a song that related to the story we’re reading, A Separate Peace. I picked Me Muero by Utada. When I looked at the powerpoint, the beautiful Hikki pictures I had selected for the presentation weren’t there, so I had to present with a blank slide with plain, black text… Not exciting at all, but the song made up for it, it’s really amazing! I guess it got a positive response from the class, which is always a bonus.
I’m listening to It’s Like That by Mariah Carey, a song that (Like many others) takes me back, and it reminds of such a great time. Most of the singles off The Emancipation of Mimi do, it’s just such an incredible album, so much spirit and the vocal performance that only Mariah can offer. It’s Like That is also the first Mariah Carey song that I heard in my life.
Anyway, the song is about living your life and leaving all the stress behind, relaxing, and the overall vibe of the song and Mariah’s soothing vocals really contribute to that mood of having a good time for just this night. All of this optimism is so good to hear, especially when I’m in the core of projects with science fair coming up and with other teachers not hesitating to test us every class. Made me realize the changes I’ve gone through since the time I listened to this song for the first time to now, when I’ve listened to it last. It’s so weird thinking this way… That only 4 years can make such a difference. I was 11 back then, and now I’m 15, time is going too fast for me.
I used to be quite a negative child. Honestly, I don’t know how my friends were able to keep up with my mood swings and with my negativity and still like me in the process. Today, these are my real friends. I see now that being negative isn’t an option in life. I used to play around with so many serious things and I don’t know what I was thinking, but I’m glad I’ve matured enough to realize this.
I would never have imagined as a 6th grader that I would grow to be a blog writer, J-Pop lover, and a person who manages not to mention anything depressing every time I speak. I keep wondering how I would react if I took a look at HEART STATION and a²fiction at such a young age and see what would be up ahead. I think I’d be a little scared by how much I changed. Hell, it’s even easy to notice the difference from On Our Way (Back in 2007) to HEART STATION.
I like changes, but I hate them. Negative changes have a high probability of happening, like when somebody dies, when you feel overwhelmed and when nothing in your life is working out, but positive changes do happen, you need to work hard, but when they show up, they outshine the shadow of the negative ones, like when have that heavy weight off your shoulders after completing what you needed to, when you try out something you always wanted to, when you go somewhere new. There are many possibilities for either of these changes and I’m happy to share them both, and I’m sure that if 6th grade me was to read what 9th grade me had to write, he’d be really happy, even through the negative times, because if it did make me more positive person who is happy with himself, let go of that shell and is willing to do what it is necessary to be happy, it’s worth it!
I stand corrected: Christmas was not predictable, and it was the worst Christmas I have ever experienced. My father is spending his Christmas in São Paulo with his part of the family, so he isn’t here with us, and this really got to my sister. She got really moody and snappy, and I’m not fond of this attitude when everyone else is trying to be happy. When I was about to go up and take a shower, she threw herself on my laptop without asking and just started using it. I got really furious, for she didn’t want to leave or even ask if she could use it. Right when the fight began, the guests arrived (A couple that were friends of my cousin and that I’ve never seen before).
My sister was crying everywhere because she didn’t get to chat with my father on the webcam because the connection is so slow, and my mother was getting really, really mad at me. So, I was upset and angry, my sister was sad and my mother was lonely and really upset. I’m sure the guests felt really awkward, since my sister never smiled on pictures, she stood there, with her arms crossed, making a huge fuss. The air was really tense and I don’t even want to think about what the two guests thought about us.
After the air was cleared a little more, my sister and I took places at the table and tried recovering Christmas. Turns out one of the guests, Denise, was hilarious. We had a great time listening to her stories, but there was still that weird vibe around. At a certain point, I actually wanted to walk under the rain and maybe get sick so we could focus on something else and not on the flop that this Christmas was. All the running around after each other and the clear unhappiness is something to be ashamed of. I feel very sorry for everyone that I made them miss their Christmas for nothing.
Today is that day after a very big fight, where everyone tries to pretend it’s okay and it’s past and we’re all talking nicely and trying not to remember the day that yesterday was, but I do, and this isn’t natural, I just want to redeem myself to others, but I can’t seem to do it to strangers. I’m glad they’re gone, but I can’t act normally to my cousin (Who’s trying hard not to focus on the bad things), since I ruined Christmas for her. That’s how I feel.
Christmas isn’t supposed to feel like this, like death. I just want to go home and forget about how I’m an awful guest, I would do anything to make up for this.
The Days That Remained The Same
The days here in Ubatuba seem to go by really quickly probably because they’re basically the same, but so far, we’ve done something different for each one somehow.
It was all said and done, the sky opened up and this is the second sunny day in a row since we arrived. If it was already hot when it was misty and rainy, it’s obvious that it will just get worse when it is sunny. Here, the weather is always sticky and hot, and for being here for a while, I got used to it.
I’ve also been checking on friends through FaceBook and it’s so surprising looking at old friends now and how they have changed! I never thought I’d like FaceBook that much! It’s really fun, actually.
Yesterday I went to the beach, but it was just too much. I don’t like how the sand sticks to everything, how it becomes mud when you come from the water, I hate seawater, I hate sweat and I hate being half-naked around everyone else. I gave up on the fact of peace at the beach and came back in after a long shower and relaxed in the beautiful house where we’ve been staying. It’s right in front of the beach, so I can do so as I please!
The Christmas That Never Was
Christmas is going pretty much forgotten. Ubatuba isn’t like all the big towns, where there are Christmas lights everywhere, lots of ads and everything, it’s pretty much just… beach. It wasn’t until yesterday that I notcied that today is Christmas eve… It basically counts as Christmas itself, and my cousin forgot the decorations (She loves holidays), so it doesn’t feel like Christmas either… I ordered my presents and they’ll arrive in Campinas and my father seems to have bought us awesome ones, but they’re at home too and he won’t tell us what they are, but I love surprises (Considering what happened last year, I’m yearning for a surprise). My Christmas basically won’t be here until January.
I think later we’ll be going to Paraty. This will certainly bring me some Dejá Vus, since our last middle school class trip was to Angra dos Reis and Paraty. It was really fun, and I wish I had all my friends here with me! But considering how large this beach house is, who knows if it won’t be a good idea for future holidays or spring break?
I’m trying to download some holiday tunes, but the internet isn’t cooperating, to contribute to this Christmas. I know we’ll be having a feast though, my mom is quite the cook and she loves making food, so I know that part of Christmas is guaranteed.
To Sum It Up
Christmas will be just like any other day in Ubatuba: predictable.
Persona 3
December 2nd is the release date of Kingdom Hears Re:Chain Of Memories, the game that started it all for my Japanese love! The introduction to Utada Hikaru’s music for me, and that’s why it’s so dear for me! Besides, it takes me back because I loved playing Kingdom Hearts (1 and 2) when I was younger. I’m eager for the release date of this edition and I might be asking for it later on! It’s a remake of Kingdom Hearts: Chain Of Memories, but for the PS2 platform (My favorite, along with the Wii). I’m sure it’ll contain the charisma, warmth and involving story line that the first and the second game contained (And hopefully, it’ll also contain the beautiful soundtrack [Involving Hikki]).
Another game I’m excited about is Persona 3. I’m not familiar at all with the previous games, but figuring it’s always a different cast, I think it’s a good place to start! It’s another game for the PS2, but it’s really different. You take the role of a normal student in Japan and you balance your high school life with your evil-fighting life. I love the liberty that the game offers and the graphics are really Japanese! The game, though, is quite dark overall, though, with a few disturbing parts mixed with everyday events. It seems quite fun, actually! I love the theme, it’s really original and it has great reviews!
I’ve been reading a book, Norwegian Wood, by Haruki Murakami and I really like it! The characters have really distinct personalities that are really enjoyable to read. The main character, though, is kind of pessimistic, but the author narrates the novel through the eyes of Toru Watanabe in a way that impresses me! I’ve been having great experiences with Japanese books translated into English (Geisha, A Life), and I think I’ll keep having them! The story goes quickly and sometimes there are a few surprises distributed through the novel. I’m really liking it so far. The book is set in Japan during the 60’s, and it’s about a college student who falls in love with two completely different women, Naoko (Unhappy and confused) and Midori (Liberated and open). I like how you can sometimes hate, and sometimes sympathize for Watanabe (He is called by his last name), it’s quite a different feel for a book, not very common.
I’ve also been wanting to get into reading manga, but I guess I’m in the search to looking for one that fits me! I’m sure that most are awesome, I just need to come across one of those. Holiday season is coming and I think I’ll have some time to think about what I want for Christmas!
Also, a few days ago, I was hired by UtadaHikaru.com.br as the translator of her blog messages in Hikki Texts into Portuguese. I’m really excited! I already sent them a post and I’m waiting for their answer of approval or improvement.
Today was the day that Xuxa was burried, 2 days after her death. It was far more difficult seeing all that dirt being thrown over her coffin than actually seeing her lying dead on my nieghbor’s garden. We got to the cemetery and asked the lady there where Xuxa was. She pointed out the way and we got to a room where a white dog was enveloped with a red blanket on top of a table, but Xuxa isn’t white, so it couldn’t have been her. My mother looked at the wooden box beside the dog and when she peeked into it, all of us began to sob and cry. There she was, with lots of flowers lying on top of her. We looked at her, my mother pet her head for the last time and with that last image of her, we sealed the coffin. We went outside to look where she’d be burried. Following the indications of the lady, we awaited, looking at the deep whole where our beloved cat would remain from now on.
We talked for a while, crying and sobbing, until the man came out with her coffin. I looked at it and squeaked, then the tears wouldn’t stop coming, I think I was never that sad in my whole life, I have never cried that much ever. The man placed her inside the whole and began bringing the dirt to fill the whole. It was a painful process for me. So painful that I wouldn’t stop crying loudly all the time. Just the thought of only having that depressing grave to look at whenever I thought about her was a nightmare. No more of her sexyness when she was laying down on the floor all elegant. No more listening to her nails scratching the carboard beds we put out for her to sleep in, no more of her entering the house quickly after we open the door so she can go down to the room where her last litter of kittens was born. No more unity between she and her daughter, Pakita. No more dressing her up in adorable outfits. No more Xuxa, the wonderful cat that won’t ever be replaced.
I took notice of all of that during the whole burrying. It was only then that it actually striked me that she’s really dead and that this is it. When I found her for the first time, it took me about 2 minutes to start crying because I was in shock, it was so sudden, and to think that if she wasn’t at the wrong place at the wrong time, she would still be here, wonderful and fantastic as she had always been. I’ll never forget her adorable habits and how special she is. She shouldn’t have gone away this way, I’ll miss her forever.
Christmas eve is already here and soon we all are going to be opening presents (Well, not so much, since it’s like 10 in the morning right now and we’re only opening our presents at midnight), which really is the point of Christmas. So, anyways… I just wanted to wish y’all a very merry Christmas and that y’all get many, many gifts. Many of you have made me SO happy this year, even people I’ve never met personally and who have commented on my blog and have let me know what they thought about certain interests they have or more information on what I have written about. Thank you once again!
So, I have decorated our “Christmas area” of our living room and I’m really proud of it, so I decided to take a picture of it and show it to y’all. Oh, by the way, I ain’t southern, I just like writing with these terms (Such as “y’all” and “ain’t”) because they’re words I don’t use often and I think they’re really cute so I use them because of that. Well, here’s the tree for my compact-sized Christmas:
This month has been terrible, no time for myself, only to work on projects, homework, study for tests, and my grades still aren’t that high, of course, my grade for english hadn’t only depended on me, so I do have an excuse for that (Group project, big part of our grade, late work, C+) and I feel like I’m about to explode, and since my body no longer has the time to create blood and feed my organs and develop my brain, only to work and study, the only thing that’ll burst out of me is the empty air that seems to fill my soul when my consience isn’t feeling guilty for having either late work, a bad grade, a load of homework ahead of me, or a long, boring assignment due the next day. Before it was like:
“So, what do we have for homework?”
“Just some reading for portuguese, math homework and some history questions!”
But now it’s like:
“So, what do we have for homework?”
“Let me check the list, here it is:
Science: All section reviews from chapter 3 AND a quiz
Math: pg. 196; Maintaning skills
Portuguese: Read from page 55 till the end of the book AND a test that’ll decide your grade ’till the end of the quarter
History: Extra credit, questions 1-5 on the sheet of paper he gave us AND a test that’ll decide our grades ’till the end of the quarter
English: Reading log, Current events, Opening statement, bible-reading
Health: Comic Strip
That’s it! Wow, we do have a lot of homework, don’t we?” [Person faints]
I’m sick of it! I don’t want anymore homework, we even have homework and tests scheduled the day before our class trip, we’re gonna have to study while we put our things together, now… teachers are expecting WAY too much from us, they’re supposed to know that lessons are taught at school, NOT at home! I’m just so mad, angry, heavy-consience-d and… depressed.
Filed under: Home
This weekend, we went to “The Royal Palm Plaza” to celebrate my sister’s birthday, which was yesterday, she invited 6 of her friends to come too, and I gotta tell you, only 3 of these friends are trustworthy, faithful and real friends, the others showed themselves to be either bitchy, jealous, or competitive people, it was hell spending 2 days with them… I don’t mean to talk bad about them, so I won’t identify them… But I’ll tell a little bit about each of the jealous girls:
L: She just makes me angry. She thinks she’s the best, and spent the night ordering room service, and eating from the bar thing in the room, half of the price for both days was all on her. Not to mention that she lived talking bad about all the other girls… As she ordered all the dishes and ate everything in the bar thingy, she disturbed other clients by phoning them and say that their fiancé forgot their underwear at her house or something. She also thinks she knows us when she doesn’t, so she talks bad about us behind our backs, or right in front of us… and ya’ll know what I feel about that.
E: She’s the competitive one. As soon as we got there, she told my mother that her mother would also do her birthday there, and that it must be cheap. My mother’s reply: “Sure, but I don’t think your mother will find it cheap, each room costs R$ 800.” Later on, for her birthday, my sister got a mini Yorkshire named Nina, she’s real cute, but I think that we have enough pets, and my sister’s acting real bitchy with her, I bet that 2 weeks later she won’t even care for her… So, anyways, E phoned her mother right away and asked for a mini yorkshire as well, and to every person that held Nina, she would say that her mother’s buying her one just like that, just trying to steal all the attention.
F: She’s real bitchy. We invited her and she keeps on calling my sister names, shouting at her and slowing all the other girls down. Today, every girl was up, dressed and ready to have breakfast, and she was sleeping, saying that she was tired and needed more sleep, SO DID EVERYBODY ELSE! GET OVER IT! And she also tries to call attention towards her by shouting at everyone and saying she has a crisis, and she’s just SO annoying… First of all, we invited her, we hardly even know her, we were just trying to be polite, and yet, she doesn’t say thank you or anything, she told us that to her, the best part was the dog… THE DOG WASN’T A PART, IT WAS A GIFT…
The other girls were excellent. They always participated, tried to make friends, they were very polite, and they were friends we knew for years and admired, it was only a good weekend because of them, they really were fantastic, they never complained or anything… If my sister wishes to invite anyone else to her next birthday besides them, I’ll eat the other invitations myself.
