One of my favorite songs in my music library and one of the best I’ve ever listened to is How Many Times, How Many Lies by The Pussycat Dolls. The instrumentals just seem to sing with the vocalist and the lyrics are beyond words!
How Many Times, How Many Lies
They would try to tell me something
Oh, but I was hearing nothing
When they said you was just playing me
I didn’t listen
I didn’t want to
You couldn’t find a blinder fool
I’m here
Searching through the wreckage
Wondering why the message never got through
And I found I misplaced all of my faith
How could I put my faith in you?How many times?
How many lies?
How long you been sneaking?
How long you been creeping around?
How many lies?
How many times?
Were you here deceiving
While I was here believing in youI got to put the blame on myself
Should’ve known with everyone else
Just knowing they knew you was just bad news
I should’ve walked out (I should’ve walked out)
I should’ve seen clear (I should’ve seen clear)
I’m glad your sad ass is out of here
I’ve gone and thrown out all the records
All the ones that ever reminded me of you
I’ve gone and tore up all the pictures
‘Cause there was not one shred of truthThere were so many times
There were so many lies
I don’t know why I stayed on you
There were so many days
There were so many games
I should’ve thrown your sad ass out
But now the game is through
I’ll never trust in you
I’ve finally got wise
I opened up my eyes
Your game is overI’ve gone and thrown out all the records
All the ones that ever reminded me of you
I’ve gone and tore up all the pictures
‘Cause there was not one shred of truth
Love the times, love the lies
Recently this song has taken a whole different meaning for me, and it made me love it so much more. My situation has nothing to do with love, though, especially now that it’s so far from that. I’m really upset about everything because it just reached a whole other level, it takes two to tango, and honestly, if you ask me out to dance, I’ll rock you out.
I’m a pretty honest person, lying isn’t my nature, and I like people to tell me the truth straightforward, with no hesitation. I don’t need to be protected from the ugly all the time, and if there’s something people have against me, I’d rather hear it right then and there. To be fooled is like building fake feelings off a true base, or vice versa, even, and I hate it. I don’t respect it one bit, especially in my case. It’s not like I didn’t see it coming, but it’s not like I ever wanted it to come.
Now that I look back, I went completely berserk. I guess it was just that if I didn’t do what I did, nobody would do it for me, and this type of argument did happen before, it brought me down, and I understand why these types of arguments come up, but if they do come up more than once, it’s because there’s some truth to what that certain person thought about me.
Maybe I should have stayed cool, just went along with it, but it was frustrating me. I guess now it’s too late, but let my pain be the reason of your pleasure (Isn’t that what blogs are for?) and enjoy the beautiful live version of How Many Times, How Many Lies!
I had removed my poem, Mute, from HEART STATION some time ago because, as I posted, I personally didn’t feel like it was a poem that I was happy with, I don’t feel like it portrayed exactly what I wanted it to, but one of my friends told me that I should keep it up because he liked it! It made me really happy that he liked it, so I decided to put it back up for everyone. I’ll try to work on a new poem as well, but I can’t seem to fit the pieces correctly, but when I do, I hope it’s kick-ass!
Mute
Violent violins of my jealousy.
Rich piano of my heart.
Inconsistent saxophone of my love.
How come you can’t feel the orchestra?
I beg you to stay longer.
The show won’t begin until you open your curtains
to let me in,
I’m yours until my strings break with fatigue.
I’m lost without your company
now that you spoiled me with your spirit,
inspiration doesn’t escape me
even with the straining of my feelings.
No matter how loud my feelings are,
you’ll never codify the frequencies they radiate.
The pop tunes of my mind
are too sweet for your ears.
Compositions we make together go their own way.
One meaning to me, another to you.
Only I can play what’s within my heart,
and only you can’t hear the subtle notes.
I’ll stand here, until I turn deaf.
I’ll wait for you to know.
Know what I feel for you.
Know that it’s too late.
My first non-rhyming poem in 2 years! I tried to express yet another feeling… I’m not sure I did a good job of it, though! I tried my best, I guess that counts a bit! I guess I have the problem of focusing on one point for my poems, and that makes my words less impacting, but I always try my best!
When I wrote Joker and Urban I was under this creative surge of feelings, words and they turned out to be quite impressive! But lately, I’ve been trying to create a few more poems (Maybe 5 attempts), but none of them showcased what I wanted them to, but it’s time for another poem around here, so I decided that this one’s good to go!
I feel the same way as Utada when I’m writing, here’s a quote by her that expresses exactly how I feel as well:
When I start making a song, for one second I see an amazing view–and in that instant, it cracks and falls to pieces. Then the rest of the process is trying to put the pieces back together. So when it feels familiar, when I see what I saw in that moment the song was conceived, then I know it’s done
-Utada
it’s too bad how I fail consistently in putting the pieces back together.
Update: Urban and Joker got removed from HEART STATION so I can start off clean! I felt like I was comparing them way too much, and I want to start fresh with brand new ideas to share.
I’ve been thinking a lot, especially now that our 4-day weekend began, and I’ve been so happy lately because of a balance I found between my personal life and my internet life! Our school has a shared values program and every quarter we get to meet up with other students and share our thoughts about a certain topic, and this time it’s what we have up on the internet about ourselves. I met some really amazing people online and I’ve had no problems with it so far, and even though I know that some people go through real trouble because of the internet, it’s not my case (I think…), and the conversation might get a bit heated if some hypocrites start saying that internet exposure is as bad as running around naked in a dark alley by a bar like they always pretend it’s like.
I’ve also been thinking about what’s becoming of me now that I began communicating with so many different people I don’t know personally, and I feel like I’m opening myself a lot more, breaking out of the rest of my shell and as much as it’s hard to admit, I’m getting a lot more friendly… No, maybe it’s just that “kawaii” side of me that awakens and makes me sound friendlier. I don’t know, since I’ve been labeled the “nice one” of Utada.com.br… I think it’s just because they don’t know me in real life and assume that I’m so sugar-coated.
One thing I also noticed is the fact that depending on the language I speak, I act a certain way. Portuguese is my cute-sugar-coated-friendly-guards-down language, while when I speak in English, I’m the I-don’t-care-about-that-bitch-so-talk-about-something-I’m-actually-interested-in language, which is really weird. Maybe I’ve been so exclusive to speaking English daily that the last time I spoke in Portuguese daily, I was in like 4th grade, and the 10-year old Alvy got trapped within the language and it’s being released now that I’m using it daily again to talk to my friends over at Utada.com.br. Or maybe I’m just over-thinking this and nobody understood what I’m trying to say.
Maybe I should start naming my alter-egos like Tila Tequila and her alter-ego, Jane. Any suggestions for good me and evil me? I’ll see if I can think of something and I’ll share it when I figure it out! But if you think of anything, let me know!
Okay, Now it’s time for some awesome quotes by our favorite generic Jessica Alba, Danny Noriega!
If you call me fat again, I’ll spray your ass with mace
I’m a purple, sexy, intense, vampire ninja pickle
I fell in front of one of my crushes and I turned red as a cute little tomato and I ran. THAT was TMTH!
These quotes have got to be my favorite ones out of any others in the world! They’re so cute! Well, maybe not the first one, but I feel like the first one is something I’d say.
Is it only me or is this post random and completely unlike other posts I’ve written? (With the number of bad names, going from my alter-egos to Danny Noriega and then to my bilingual disorder?) Uh-oh… Another alter-ego kicking in?
I’ve been back in Brazil since Sunday, and I’ve been really busy catching up with school. As a matter of fact, today, tomorrow and friday I’ll be staying from 8:15 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. to retake my missed test (School ends at 3:15). It’s pretty nerve-wracking, especially because I’ll be doing them alone, but I don’t regret one second of going to Miami and meeting Utada and her amazing fans!
Speaking of Utada’s fans, I’d like to thank everyone who’s subscribing to my newly-created YouTube channel and I’ve been getting some recognition from YouTube for your subscriptions and views! Thank you so much, it really means a lot that the videos I uploaded have been so accepted! I’ve been gaining a few more friends online due to that and I’m so happy! This week I have the 63rd most watched account of Brazil. I had a lot more of these award things, but unfortunately, I’m lagging behind! I might have to upload some more videos later on! I’d like to know if you would like music videos, Utada’s personal videos or what other kind of videos I could upload, I’d be happy to hear your suggestions!
I haven’t had much time for a²fiction so far because of everything that’s been going on, but I’m hoping that by the weekend, I’ll have a few more review posts up!
I guess life will continue to be as normal as always, but I’ll try to keep myself busy in other things when I’m not studying. I just had an English presentation and I needed to bring a song that related to the story we’re reading, A Separate Peace. I picked Me Muero by Utada. When I looked at the powerpoint, the beautiful Hikki pictures I had selected for the presentation weren’t there, so I had to present with a blank slide with plain, black text… Not exciting at all, but the song made up for it, it’s really amazing! I guess it got a positive response from the class, which is always a bonus.
