Filed under: About Me
Like everything big in my life, HEART STATION started with a fight. Initially, I shared a blog with my best friends, Cary and Sofy because we loved to read our teacher’s (Baby C) blog and wanted to share our own thoughts and stories that same way. That’s when On Our Way was created. We were three 7th graders with really strong personalities and a bit too polar for our own good. Blog-writing became a trend, and eventually, another student decided to name his blog On My Way, and knowing he was going to get on our nerves, he tried to keep it a secret. When we found out, hell broke loose in On Our Way, and the teacher who got us into blog-writing had to talk to all the students involved in this mess. We had gone so far into exposing ourselves and getting out of control that we were discouraged from blog-writing. It didn’t seem right anymore. Even though we felt ashamed for what we had done, we all got passed that and went our separate ways, in separate times and separate blogs.
That’s when I got started in my first solo blog, Heal Over. That’s exactly what it meant to me. It was basically a bridge between On Our Way and HEART STATION, just a healing phase. It contained many strong posts, a lot of stuff I wrote about myself and my thoughts through this stage. It came a time that I thought that Heal Over was becoming too anonymous for me and I was growing out of it. That’s when I dropped the healover.wordpress.com URL and created alvycunha.wordpress.com, removing that healing stage from the internet and focusing more on what I was becoming interested in.
The transition wasn’t so big at first, it was really subtle, just a new URL, nothing big. I continued writing the type of things I wrote about back in Heal Over, but ever since On Our Way, I began wandering into the world of J-Pop. It was shallow at first, only listening to Utada Hikaru lightly, as observed in my completely incorrect and inaccurate Hikaru Utada post back in On Our Way. That’s when I first wrote about J-Pop and by the time HEART STATION was brought up (Or Memoirs Of My Soul, its first of many titles), I was very much into the Japanese music scene and Japanese culture, far more than before. That’’s when the pop culture-oriented posts came about. These posts are what HEART STATION came to be known for, and focused less on my life.
For some time, American and Japanese pop culture came to be one of the focuses of my blog. This was heavily criticized by my friends and original readers because they were more interested in my life than when Utada’s new album is coming out or what I’m listening to. I was once told my blog was crappy and that that person was disappointed in me. I didn’t care, because my interests are a part of who I am and I was extremely satisfied with the maturity of my writing ever since that first blog I created with my friends. My writing became a lot less raw and MSN-like and more reflective of me.
When I figured out how to use Photoshop and make headers for myself, it was such a discovery. That’s basically when my blog began. I loved to make headers, change my blog’s title, even if it looked awful, my skills were evolving and I was always happy to give HEART STATION a new look. Here is a timeline of the many looks of HEART STATION:
![HEART STATION [NIGHT SHIFT]](http://alvycunha.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/heart-station-night-shift.jpg?w=419&h=76 "HEART STATION [NIGHT SHIFT]")
It was like I was exploring more and more about what it means to be a blog-writer. On the later stages, I started to meet amazing people through my blog and now I have a branch to HEART STATION, called a²fiction, my very own (Neglected) review blog and I’m a member of Utada Brasil, which I love being a part of because it brought me so much joy since day 1! It feels like I know the members since forever and I love to spend time with them.
On HEART STATION’s first anniversary, I had nothing special done, but was ecstatic about my 10,000 views. On the day of its anniversary, HEART STATION had completed its rounded 10,000 views. I was motivated by this and the Japanese posts in HEART STATION bloomed profusely. I started covering anime, doramas, more singers. The 2nd year of HEART STATION began with the post on Tanabata Matsuri, which coincided with the anniversary. Through its ups and downs, HEART STATION moved on, and you guys continued commenting, reading and I continued to make friends. Now it’s a part of me, and no argument will take it away anymore. In one year, you guys multiplied the 10,000 views to over 4 times more, soon 5 times more, and that’s why I’d like to thank you so much for your patience, support and love! It means so much to have so many amazing people with me in this journey.
In two years, I got the chance to meet the idol I’ve admired for so long and wrote all about it here. This made HEART STATION the 65th top blog for the 30th of March and I got over 1,000 views that day. I’m so proud of this and so happy to have met so many amazing Hikki fans! We’re a really cute bunch we are. I hope many other opportunities like the Sephora events rise because I loved to experience it and it was the beginning of many things for me.
When I look back, and see that while I was writing, doing something that I love, I was building this relationship and connecting with people all around the world, who were witnessing my changes, my life with me, I can’t see myself not being a blog-writer, not being a member of Utada Brasil and not having lived through all the joys that HEART STATION has brought me. I love where I’m at today and I’m no longer the negative, shy boy from On Our Way. It’s like I’m a whole different person, and there’s nothing else to thank but the secret frequencies of HEART STATION, that brought you to me, and that brought me to myself.
There has been a change of plans in ~12 weeks~, and I haven’t gotten along with mash-ups at all. I guess I need more experience before I get them out for you, so the media section of HEART STATION is up for discussion until I figure out what I’m going to do better. I might go through with the mash-ups, but this week, I’d like to know what you would like to see or that you’d like for me to feature! Then I’d have a clearer view of what’s to come for these 12 weeks!
A friend of mine, Rapha-chan, is a big fan of the ravex project, where many avex artists come together to celebrate the 20th anniversary of avex and the 80th anniversary of the artist, Osamu Tezuka. He showed me the PV of the song Golden LUV featuring Maki Goto, and ever since I first heard, I couldn’t stop listening to it.
When I had finished downloading her albums, I was expecting something really pop, because she used to be involved in Morning Musume and Hello!Project, so she had that idol figure to her that could only mean bubblegum pop. I was right, and even though her work is a lot better than the diabetes-inducing bubblegum pop we hear out there today, it lacked that element of originality and fun instrumentals that Golden LUV brought to the table.
Some time ago, Maki Goto’s brother was arrested for thievery, and this dropped her from her label, similar to Kumi’s scandal, but lighter. This brought Maki to Los Angeles, where she restarted her singing and dance lessons. Apparently, Maki’s parents trained her since she was a child to become a Japanese idol, and during this break that Maki took, she was signed with the avex label and a change in her image took place (Including a nose job, as you can see below):
That is the Maki from Golden LUV! She has 2 digital singles released through the avex label, fly away and Lady-Rise, plus Golden LUV, released through the ravex album, trax. Honestly, I was so happy she had that nose job. It was so hard to look at her. Her work is amazing now! avex did a great job, and I’m really looking forward for Maki’s new releases, because all her singles have been amazing ever since she changed her record label!
Bitches Aloud has put together a really cute unofficial single called GOLD Lady, which features Maki Goto’s latest singles and it comes in a CD and a CD+DVD version. The instrumentals and PVs aren’t in top quality, but the whole concept is really fun. It comes with 6 tracks: Golden LUV, Lady-Rise and Fly away. All of them are amazing and the registration to their forum is worth it! Especially since the digital singles have no cover art or things of that sort. It’s all really neat and the booklet that comes with each version is different, as if it were an official CD and CD+DVD release. Remember, if you’d like to distribute this single, you need to credit Bitches Aloud:
Also, brought to you by Bitches Aloud, so if taken, please credit Bitches Aloud or I’l personally rip off both of your arms and then I’ll eat them
^^ xD.
I’m really looking forward to other releases by Maki Goto under the avex label because she sounds and looks great! I love Fly away, so make sure to check out the PV and judge if Maki’s dance lessons payed off:
The 12th of July is approaching, and so is the ~12 weeks of HEART STATION~ special! It’s time for everyone to know what I’ve been planning for over a month now.
Every week for 12 weeks there will be a special post for a certain someone (And most of the time, for certain “someones”) who has helped me/supported me/humored me/been a part of me/followed me through these 2 years. The detail, though, is what I have in store for each one!
I’ve been practicing my skills in mash-ups with Rapha-chan and it certainly made me respect and love his work even more because it’s not as easy as it looks. Through these 12 weeks, I’ll be releasing one mash-up per week (Some might even have PVs) with the help of Rapha-chan. Each post will include a reflection of different aspects for these 2 years, a mash-up and a dedication to a person (Or a group of people). I’m trying to add as much of the person’s musical taste and personality into the mash-up, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed making it for you!
You guys know I’m a perfectionist, so it’s only natural that every mash-up release comes with cover art! I’ve been hearing many compliments for my headers so Adonias Junior, the #1 best boss in the world will be helping me out in that area! He’s been thinking of many things for the special (Including a celebratory seal) that I’m really excited to feature because you guys know what you’re talking about when you say the headers are “fab” or “amazing”!
This project involves so many people that I care for and that’s why it’s so special to me! Each of the releases of the special (Including this post) will have a Portuguese version to make HEART STATION officially bilingual! (And to aid my friends who don’t have a lot of experience with English)
Through the 12 weeks, if you guys feel like you’re really enjoying my work, I’d love for you guys to send me pictures of something you’d like to have up in HEART STATION! Could be of you listening to the mash-up, your iPod playing it, a screenshot of it on iTunes, anything! Even of something you might’ve made yourself to celebrate this second anniversary. I’d be ecstatic to see anything you have in mind for me and I’ll love to feature it right here in a special post! You can host/post the picture/video anywhere and just send over the link as a comment for me!
At the end of the 12 weeks, everything will be brought together into one last special surprise for you that unfortunately, will remain a secret until it’s time!
I hope you guys love it because I know I brought some of your expectations to the ceiling and I’ll be trying my best to meet these expectations because you guys are the best and deserve something really special!
Now, here’s a 36-second preview of the first release of ~12 weeks of HEART STATION~, Lose My Dirrt!
Seems like all I needed was a diva to bring me back to my senses, and Brener did just that! Let me translate just how “well” our conversation went:
Alvy:
I erased my twitter account 
And ~12 weeks of HEART STATION~ won’t happen anymore
My blog’s special
Brener:
Why?
Alvy:
Because I got depressed yesterday night and I haven’t fully recovered.
Brener:
You’re depressed and on MSN. Yeah, right.
Alvy:
I’m always on MSN
I don’t say this literally, Breny bitch…
Of course I don’t have depression ¬¬
Brener:
What do you have? hahahah
Alvy:
I have nothing
I’m just really blue
Brener:
With what?
Alvy:
With everything… Everything makes me blue now
Brener:
u-u
wake up marisaaa
the world keeps spinning
you’re still a virgin
and the same fool as always
that won’t help you
Alvy:
You don’t know me since always ¬¬
Brener:
Tomorrow the sun will shine
Live the new day!!
[...]
Alvy:
You’re my favorite diva
That conversation worked like magic. You know what? All my wonderful, beyond-words readers do deserve a special. ~12 weeks of HEART STATION~ is back on schedule. I’m not waiting another year to thank you! My Twitter account is back like it’s always been (Except for a slight make-over I did to it) and I missed you guys hella lot this time I was gone!
Some of you never noticed I was gone (I’ma get y’all for that), while some of you supported my decisions and wished for a quick return. Others, like my favorite diva, slapped me across the face and made me get back to my senses. This all helped a lot and it’s for people like that that I need to continue with ~12 weeks of HEART STATION~!
I heard that 12 weeks is too much for a 2 years anniversary, but I think that never is a reason too little to celebrate something special with my favorite betchez in the world.
Thank you so much for your kind words! (Or not) And be sure that I’ll keep twitting to my heart’s content (And hopefully yours too!) and that I’m back to where I left off 2 days ago!
Love to all my favorite divas,
Alvy.
Your superficial love no longer entices my senses.
Your mystery was so overwhelming,
that its charming qualities
became inexistent to me.
Everything I did to you
came from genuine feelings,
something you’re unable to familiarize with
because the skin you wear is patchwork from strangers.
I’d rather wear my heart on my sleeve,
than to make someone else’s identity my own.
Even if I get exposed to your rejection
and look for comfort in denial.
The security of solitude
is a connection inherited by the sensitive.
The oblivious are forever fated
to the secrecy of ignorance.
You know my weaknesses,
I know your strengths.
It’s not fair until I tear you down
and get to where I really want.
The cuts will heal one by one.
Even if I need to patch myself with fragments of you.
I always get what I want,
so why are intangible feelings an exception?
This poem is heavily inspired on my random quotes from Twitter, pretty much like Bipolar Electric Discharge, but I have quite a collection of random quotes now, so I decided to put some of them together. I hope it’s not too distasteful that my feelings are so out of reach that sometimes I can sound happy but then tweet about something really upsetting. I hope none of my followers have too much concern for that and always know I’ll be alright. If I’m capable of feeling strong emotions, I’m capable of handling them.
I’m absolutely in love with Shiina Ringo’s latest album, Sanmon Gossip so I wanted her to grace this poem with her beautiful new photo shoot. That’s where I got the name for the poem and it fit it really well. I feel like I’m back to a more intellectual level of poetry, unlike the lastest poem, where I went a bit berserk with ideas. I hope you enjoyed reading Skin even though it’s not as crazy as Bipolar Electric Discharge!
B.I.O.Polar,
drawing you in
and pushing you away.
Magnetism at its best, my love.
12:00 a.m. and I can’t feel you.
Even though the bed is still warm
with the throbbing
of two dead hearts.
The sound of thunder from my head
Pulsate you away with dangerous radioactivity.
My psyche is exhausted from useless attempts
to stop being toxic to myself.
Jealous, obsessive, thunderstorms.
Don’t dance under the rain now.
It’ll only get you electrocuted.
Bipolar danger zone.
Burning vibrato consumed with rage,
letting go of your senses among so much energy.
Smoothly tearing me apart,
like a tool of your desires.
Your vitality isn’t worth my time.
Pairs of ions.
Ready for an electric discharge?
ϟ
This is probably the craziest poem I’ve ever written. The words “Bipolar electric discharge ϟ Magnetism at its best, my loves” came to my head by the time I wrote it on twitter and it was basically my base and inspiration for this poem.
Me And Electric Discharge is also the title to Shiina Ringo’s compilation album, and I started to love this title, and I took this nuclear, electric vibe and tried adding it to my own poetry, so it became more of a You And My Electric Discharge in this case. This poem is certainly very much like me due to its randomness and just the mixture of words. I’m really satisfied with it because it’s so crazy and random. It was very fun to write because of its play in themes and my inspiration was easy to work with.
Using a symbol as a verse is also a first for me. I really loved how this poem turned out! Nothing like my past published works. That’s exactly what I like about it!
Cycle 12 caught my attention because of one contestant, Allison Harvard. As soon as I saw her for the first time, I noticed how different she was and how awesome this season would be because of such an edgy, different contestant. I felt the same way about Melrose back in cycle 7. Some might say Allison is awkward, weird and not America’s Next Top Model material, but it’s what makes her so unique. Her look is so striking for such a young girl, and it’s this mixture of awkwardness, beauty and cuteness that caught my eye, she’s not like the other contestants. Her most remarkable feature are her eyes, that are so big and blue and how she looks like a porcelain doll, according to Tyra and the judges. The weirdest thing about her, though, is her obsession over nosebleeds. When the competition began, she was the creepy girl who looked like a porcelain doll obsessed with nose bleeds, but as the competition progressed, she proved that this doll has personality and edge to get where she wants. Unfortunately, like Melrose, she got to the top 2, but didn’t come back with the title of America’s Next Top Model.
When it was announced that the top models were coming to Brazil, I got worried, because Brazil is portrayed as a country of sex appeal and Allison is the sweet, quiet girl of the group, but she impressed me. She kept getting really positive critique from the judges, being that before she came to Brazil she was the girl with one look. She kept growing as a model, but her worst fear was the runway. She was really awkward, and even though she wasn’t disastrous, she wasn’t stellar at all either, she was just walking. On the last episode, though, Allison brought her top game and rocked the runway. She did mention she had practiced, and it showed, because the quirky girl from previous runway challenged was nowhere to be found. She brought it all while Teyona looked like a stripper waving her weave into the air. Allison brought sexy, cuteness and beauty to all her movements and made her quirky personality a special, different quality that was hers only.
I think that her most impressive shots are of the later episodes, when she came to Brazil, my favorites being from the Carmen Miranda shoot and the Cover Girl shoot. Before she came to Brazil, though, she did take a really impressive shot with Ciara! She looks a bit feline, I’m not a big fan of the lion-like hair, but her lips, eyes and cheekbones look so impressive! She’s like an angry cat.
I was really surprised when she wasn’t the winner, because she caught so many people’s attention and I’m such a big fan of hers. She used to take amateur pictures before America’s Next Top Model, and was nicknamed Creepy-chan because of the peculiar pictures she took, but she earned many fans this way.
Both, Melrose and Allison have caught my attention since day one of cycles 7 and 12, and it’s really unfortunate that they haven’t won, but I feel really proud that they came this far, since both were finalists!
Cycling through fake hopes,
one after the other they disappear in a distance,
and the joy of another temporarily appears
before it’s wilted by reality.
Flirting with my melancholy,
the smell of tears and alcohol lingers in the air.
Tell me where we stand,
so I can move over and you can walk away.
Flashbacks frame memories of you.
That’s what I get for living the yesterday.
Feel me, my point of view,
did it ever cross your mind that I’m in pain?
I just want to hear you say okay.
But what I need is to run away,
from your embrace,
and comfort myself with the death of my love.
Finding myself is hard
when you have so many pieces of me.
But I like it that way,
and I’m complete as long as they’re yours.
The barrier between us shares your name.
I wanted to bring it down with my defenses,
to kiss you goodbye.
Signed, Alvy.
This poem is almost old school me. I used to write pretty disturbing poetry a few years back, only none of my past poems were published and now I don’t have them anymore. But this one has more romantic touches than my previous attempt at poetry, Mute. I really don’t know which is better!
I tried giving Flashes a more personal touch at the end because it took me a while to get this poem right and I was figuring out the words for two days. I hope it was worth it, though! It took me a long time to feel inspired, lots of listening to music and resting, coming back to routine and experiencing many different feelings since I came back to Brazil. I was impressed by the number of musical references for this poem, I really didn’t intend it to have so many quotes by various different songs, I wanted it to be more personal to me, but I couldn’t help it. Despite that, I think that if you know me personally this poem would be very characteristic of who I am, actually, so I feel better about this one than Mute. As a matter of fact, (I think only one person knows this about me, though) whenever I say or think about the word “melancholy”, I feel the scent of tears and alcohol, so that’s how that part got into the poem.
I hope you enjoy it! I’m quite satisfied with it, and please tell me if I’m going down the right path or if I should have sticked to a more Mute-like style!
One of my favorite songs in my music library and one of the best I’ve ever listened to is How Many Times, How Many Lies by The Pussycat Dolls. The instrumentals just seem to sing with the vocalist and the lyrics are beyond words!
How Many Times, How Many Lies
They would try to tell me something
Oh, but I was hearing nothing
When they said you was just playing me
I didn’t listen
I didn’t want to
You couldn’t find a blinder fool
I’m here
Searching through the wreckage
Wondering why the message never got through
And I found I misplaced all of my faith
How could I put my faith in you?How many times?
How many lies?
How long you been sneaking?
How long you been creeping around?
How many lies?
How many times?
Were you here deceiving
While I was here believing in youI got to put the blame on myself
Should’ve known with everyone else
Just knowing they knew you was just bad news
I should’ve walked out (I should’ve walked out)
I should’ve seen clear (I should’ve seen clear)
I’m glad your sad ass is out of here
I’ve gone and thrown out all the records
All the ones that ever reminded me of you
I’ve gone and tore up all the pictures
‘Cause there was not one shred of truthThere were so many times
There were so many lies
I don’t know why I stayed on you
There were so many days
There were so many games
I should’ve thrown your sad ass out
But now the game is through
I’ll never trust in you
I’ve finally got wise
I opened up my eyes
Your game is overI’ve gone and thrown out all the records
All the ones that ever reminded me of you
I’ve gone and tore up all the pictures
‘Cause there was not one shred of truth
Love the times, love the lies
Recently this song has taken a whole different meaning for me, and it made me love it so much more. My situation has nothing to do with love, though, especially now that it’s so far from that. I’m really upset about everything because it just reached a whole other level, it takes two to tango, and honestly, if you ask me out to dance, I’ll rock you out.
I’m a pretty honest person, lying isn’t my nature, and I like people to tell me the truth straightforward, with no hesitation. I don’t need to be protected from the ugly all the time, and if there’s something people have against me, I’d rather hear it right then and there. To be fooled is like building fake feelings off a true base, or vice versa, even, and I hate it. I don’t respect it one bit, especially in my case. It’s not like I didn’t see it coming, but it’s not like I ever wanted it to come.
Now that I look back, I went completely berserk. I guess it was just that if I didn’t do what I did, nobody would do it for me, and this type of argument did happen before, it brought me down, and I understand why these types of arguments come up, but if they do come up more than once, it’s because there’s some truth to what that certain person thought about me.
Maybe I should have stayed cool, just went along with it, but it was frustrating me. I guess now it’s too late, but let my pain be the reason of your pleasure (Isn’t that what blogs are for?) and enjoy the beautiful live version of How Many Times, How Many Lies!
I had removed my poem, Mute, from HEART STATION some time ago because, as I posted, I personally didn’t feel like it was a poem that I was happy with, I don’t feel like it portrayed exactly what I wanted it to, but one of my friends told me that I should keep it up because he liked it! It made me really happy that he liked it, so I decided to put it back up for everyone. I’ll try to work on a new poem as well, but I can’t seem to fit the pieces correctly, but when I do, I hope it’s kick-ass!
Mute
Violent violins of my jealousy.
Rich piano of my heart.
Inconsistent saxophone of my love.
How come you can’t feel the orchestra?
I beg you to stay longer.
The show won’t begin until you open your curtains
to let me in,
I’m yours until my strings break with fatigue.
I’m lost without your company
now that you spoiled me with your spirit,
inspiration doesn’t escape me
even with the straining of my feelings.
No matter how loud my feelings are,
you’ll never codify the frequencies they radiate.
The pop tunes of my mind
are too sweet for your ears.
Compositions we make together go their own way.
One meaning to me, another to you.
Only I can play what’s within my heart,
and only you can’t hear the subtle notes.
I’ll stand here, until I turn deaf.
I’ll wait for you to know.
Know what I feel for you.
Know that it’s too late.
My first non-rhyming poem in 2 years! I tried to express yet another feeling… I’m not sure I did a good job of it, though! I tried my best, I guess that counts a bit! I guess I have the problem of focusing on one point for my poems, and that makes my words less impacting, but I always try my best!
When I wrote Joker and Urban I was under this creative surge of feelings, words and they turned out to be quite impressive! But lately, I’ve been trying to create a few more poems (Maybe 5 attempts), but none of them showcased what I wanted them to, but it’s time for another poem around here, so I decided that this one’s good to go!
I feel the same way as Utada when I’m writing, here’s a quote by her that expresses exactly how I feel as well:
When I start making a song, for one second I see an amazing view–and in that instant, it cracks and falls to pieces. Then the rest of the process is trying to put the pieces back together. So when it feels familiar, when I see what I saw in that moment the song was conceived, then I know it’s done
-Utada
it’s too bad how I fail consistently in putting the pieces back together.
Update: Urban and Joker got removed from HEART STATION so I can start off clean! I felt like I was comparing them way too much, and I want to start fresh with brand new ideas to share.
